Most of the Church wont agree with this but if you need your spouse or one God has called you with towards marriage to be something for you to be ok it is a form of idolatry. We Christians have been created to depend only on the Lord, He only is the fullness, so how can we find ourselves needing our spouses to be at a certain place or level in Christ for us to be able to move forward in life and in Christ ? If how they are or who they are is dictating your life and decisions you make then you have to reconsider. If you find yourself caught up in this form of idolatry then chances are you are constantly thinking about this and making it your belief system.Another way to tell if you are caught in this is if there is no productivity in your life or if your have lost your sense of direction and purpose God has called you for. Isn’t Christ who alone has this power to govern your heart ?
Husbands can find themselves saying “my wife is not a good helper, she doesn’t support me to do God’s will, she frowns if i give to people or help them”. Wives can find themselves saying “my husband is not at all Christlike in this and this , he is not a good leader, he is not a good father, he doesn’t give me attention anymore”. Imagine if God said these same things for each one of us! Instead you will find Him working in us according to His will and good pleasure everyday.We quench Holy Spirit in so many ways by simply not living by faith, do you hear Him frown? When has He ever given up on us? We have a whole of old testament to prove that God has been always faithful to Israel whom He wedded. How much more us now who are collectively the Bride of Christ?
It is not wrong to hope for our marriages to be patterned after God’s designs but let that desire not overtake us and make us miss out on the fact that as representatives of God we are to represent Him to our spouses. Why don’t you model the Christ-likeness and give them Christ in every situation? Why don’t you move forward in life and in the purposes of God when you know it is something God is calling you to do? Your spouses will catch up if what you are doing is God’s will , infact you will be ploughing the ground for them as well.Do it all just as Christ would, sound like Him, act like Him towards your spouse and not out of rejecting them and making them feel they are not good enough to not be in God or that they have not grown up:) The same acceptance, patience, steadfastness, consistency and love you have received from Christ is what you are to give to your spouse. Honestly the more you know Christ intimately this will be the overflow, an automatic state of being towards your spouse, you won’t have to work at it to make it happen or bite your lip to not loose it with them but still put up a patient face anyway.
What usually happens is because the spouse is someone you see physically his or her actions or behavior is something more real to you. Also their reactions or approachability or aacessibility seems more instant and tangible in comparison to God’s which is accessed all by faith and not something you see with physical eyes. Another aspect is because God is stable and always there with His love it is taken for granted, but the variability of spouse’s “love” and attention causes people to seek for what they do not have. Honestly that is a behavior of the old man which we have died to.It only shows we need our spouse’s love or attention. Fact is love has been defined by God and He is love. The husband or wife you have been given by God has been created by God. So how can you trade Creator for the creation in the name of “love”? Illogical isn’t it ?
Having established that this real and only well is God’s love, let us understand how impossible it is for anyone to stop you from loving God, growing in God and working with God. Was your spouse ever part of the relationship God and you have ? You alone are the steward of your own heart. Only you can respond to every yes to God, not your spouse. So why enter in or stay in the deception that you are not a certain way in God because of your spouse is holding you back. No man or woman can hold you back. Infact not even enemy can. Only you and you alone by drawing back from pursuing Him can you stop yourself.
This is a very strong subject brothers and sisters and countless pre marital relationships and marriages suffer because of this mindset that “someone can hold you back from following God or walking in His will”. It is not possible.Many people loose their productivity in life and enter into a state of wait waiting for things to be back again or good again so that they can finally be who they are. Infact if you are in this situation you already know it is not bringing you life but that you find yourself in bondage and confusion and especially a lot of pain and tears. Some learn through tribulation and some learn when a matter is presented to them even if they are not in that situation yet. Be the second type of learner, friend. Its not worth following your own way of understanding cause the end is a ditch of darkness. Turn back and seek God for truth making Him everything in your life and everything else secondary. To give you a heads up here is a short answer by Pastor Dan Mohler who has actually lived and lives what he is counseling. Be blessed!